On the final evening of my dear friend’s life, a passing storm portrayed the deepest song of my heart. The following photos and thoughts are to honor him and express the grief, hope, and love this hour brings to me.
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How the darkness comes! It brings a wind, sharp and cold against my face. Though I love the storms that stream with such fierce beauty through the sky, I wrestle painfully against this storm within my heart that batters me like some frail creature. How can I stand against this illness that is taking you, brave one, from those who love you so? I can no more stop the storm that comes pressing down across the fields around me.

Questions fly like the leaves, memories ripple like the grain, and protests rush with force beyond reason, beyond comprehension. I have to brace myself against the wind.

Why? I know there is no answer, but questions surge in the belly, crying out for understanding. Why this life, this precious friend, this good man, this new father? Why? The storm carries away my questions.

I feel so selfish when I consider his suffering and the hurting hearts who sit even now beside him. I know they are each in their own way sending him their love and comfort, even as I am. The storm dominates the land and changes…changes everything. What is my sorrow next to theirs?

In the distance I hear the rumble of thunder over the wind. The air smells of the approaching rain. I think of the days ahead, the friends who will remember and honor him, people I will never know, but who have shared this one man’s life during his journey. The first tears of the storm above me begin to fall.

A sudden splash of light reminds me that the darkness isn’t everything or endless, no matter how it seems to dominate this hour.

As the rain forces us to seek shelter, we continue down the road, driving just ahead of the edge of the storm. Time is passing with the landscape, the furrowed fields and new crops. I am reminded that each season carries with it a promise of life, of fruitfulness. I consider the faith of my friend, the promises he believed in, the promises I share.

Small windows of blue and a general lightening of the incoming clouds hint that the worst of the storm has moved beyond us. Soon the wind is tamer, no longer threatening in its intensity. I know there will come a time when the severity of this loss will ease, and laughter will compete with sorrow as the source of my tears when I think of him. I know…but today reason seems far away.

The future is beyond my view, even as the road ahead. Sometimes we think we know tomorrow. When we are following familiar roads, it is so easy to assume the days ahead will remain unchanged. Times like this remind me that I cannot really see very far. I need to make this moment count, to live with a generous heart and share joy and love, like the way he lived.

We circled through three counties. The storm began to break up, but the sky was still overcast to the west. We didn’t expect to get any sunset pictures, so we headed home. On the way, we stopped at the grocery and the sun found an opening, shedding a glow of splendor across the sky.

Paul stood in the parking lot and shot the glowing panorama. I sat and waited, drinking in the beauty, smelling the rain freshly fallen and wondering how something so awesome could follow the darkness of the previous hours. I wondered if something beautiful would come from the shadow of loss that still shrouded my mind. A car pulled up near us and parked next to Paul. The woman who emerged suggested he look back the opposite way.

We turned and saw a huge rainbow stretching unbroken to the treeline and shining against a violet background. I wept…at the beauty…at this prism of promise…at the hope displayed anew in my soul.

Oh friend, how grateful I am to have shared a portion of your life! You were a man with a playful, fun-loving spirit. You cared deeply about people, having an intuitive ability to touch hearts and bring insight with your perspective. Your influence always turned me toward optimism, joy and hope. May the love song that I sing to you be reflected in my life, that I will live as you lived, laughing and loving with an open heart. I carry the hope that something beautiful will come after this darkness and that in eternity, I will see you again.